fitting in

[fe7]

how much of yourself are you willing to sacrifice to fit in with a group

[Lord Darkton]

Does this belong in Extended Discussion? I think this would fit better in PLD...

[JonIsDead]

Maybe one day you'll find a magical island filled with people who don't have standards.

[akalonelyfreak]

I am willing to sacrifice nothing of myself to "fit in". If my friends can't accept me for who I am then I don't need them. I act, dress, and talk how I feel like acting, dressing, and talking. Now as cliché as that answer was, I think it's fairly true about me.

[Clintonio]

- Moved to PLD -

I don't feel the need to change myself to fit in. If people don't like it they should tell me, then I'll decide if it's worth acting upon.
There are specific situations where I need to change a little, perhaps when going for a job interview or something similar, but when simply making friends I won't change myself.

[Shiki-Sensei]

The message has already been stated by a couple of the users here. Don't be friends with people who have standards for friendship. If they can't accept you for who you are and what you do, then to hell with them.

[Opace]

I agree with Clint. it really depends on the situation. If it was a group of friends (classic example) then no.. not really. I would be straining myself to act the way they would expect of me. I'd rather act normally and have friends that accept my personality. But if it was for a job interview (another classic), then yes I would change to a certain degree. I mean I want the job for cash, therefore I need to work a little (this meaning purely changing my character slightly) to get the job first. ;)

[Dooork]

lol people always say they wont change to fit in but from a psychology majors view that's just nonsense. humans are social creatures by nature, studies show that people that do not have a social group or close friends or loved ones are mentally unhealthy and it can even lead to death. ( yes you can die from lack of human contact) also there is the fact that free will is an illusion. we dont do any thing without information ether from our environment (like our parents our friends TV and so on) or our genetics (things like curiosity the drive to reproduce the drive to eat and drink and so on) out thoughts are all made up of information that we have at our disposal. no one wakes up and thinks, "I think ill invent the wheel today" no they most likely saw a rock or a log rolling down a hill or something. any ways this is turning into a rant so any ways yeah you all want friends and you all conform to something in order to be excepted into what ever group you are a part of, be it nerd, anime fan or gamer. even anarchist try and fit in with other anarchist.

[Einherjar]

Depending on the situation at hand (a job as Opace mentioned) I am willing to change. But when it comes to other things I'm usually "I do it my way and if that don't work I might change" kinda like.

Though, sometimes, you might change unknown to yourself, you just change due to the influences others are.

[Neferium]

To fit in at school, I always act different to my true self, like I play football, I ****ing hate football, I like soccer. And no one knows I play WoW and watch Anime or I might aswell go hang with the asians =/

[Opace]

lol people always say they wont change to fit in but from a psychology majors view that's just nonsense. humans are social creatures by nature, studies show that people that do not have a social group or close friends or loved ones are mentally unhealthy and it can even lead to death. ( yes you can die from lack of human contact) also there is the fact that free will is an illusion. we dont do any thing without information ether from our environment (like our parents our friends TV and so on) or our genetics (things like curiosity the drive to reproduce the drive to eat and drink and so on) out thoughts are all made up of information that we have at our disposal. no one wakes up and thinks, "I think ill invent the wheel today" no they most likely saw a rock or a log rolling down a hill or something. any ways this is turning into a rant so any ways yeah you all want friends and you all conform to something in order to be excepted into what ever group you are a part of, be it nerd, anime fan or gamer. even anarchist try and fit in with other anarchist.

Well I don't remember anything saying they will absolutely refuse to change even the slightest bit. I mean if (in an Anime context) you like X anime and they like Y anime, you won't gain acceptance into their social circles by point blank refusing to accept Y anime into your life. Acceptance is a form of changing (you accept something that you previously thought was wrong or did not know of).. well in my eyes anyway.

I'm not sure how you got from 'Changing your character' to 'Inventing a wheel today' (well I sorta do but..) but I know what you're trying to say. Basically you're saying Humans are Social Animals; which is true (even in my Business Management course it is true :sleeping:).


To fit in at school, I always act different to my true self, like I play football, I ****ing hate football, I like soccer. And no one knows I play WoW and watch Anime or I might aswell go hang with the asians =/

Football as in AFL (since you live in Australia the same as me) ? Personally I hate AFL and I don't act different in that matter; I just find it insulting to other great sports like Rugby (well.. mainly because most idiots who play AFL diss Rugby). I mean hanballing a ball fowards and kicking it without an offside? Ridiculous... Anyway, I used to be a WoW veteran and I watch Anime and I'm Asian. XD Oh wait.. I'm going off topic.

[Clintonio]

lol people always say they wont change to fit in but from a psychology majors view that's just nonsense. humans are social creatures by nature, studies show that people that do not have a social group or close friends or loved ones are mentally unhealthy and it can even lead to death. ( yes you can die from lack of human contact) also there is the fact that free will is an illusion. we dont do any thing without information ether from our environment (like our parents our friends TV and so on) or our genetics (things like curiosity the drive to reproduce the drive to eat and drink and so on) out thoughts are all made up of information that we have at our disposal. no one wakes up and thinks, "I think ill invent the wheel today" no they most likely saw a rock or a log rolling down a hill or something. any ways this is turning into a rant so any ways yeah you all want friends and you all conform to something in order to be excepted into what ever group you are a part of, be it nerd, anime fan or gamer. even anarchist try and fit in with other anarchist.

As correct as you are the context of this thread is about whether you're shallow enough to decide actively whether to change yourself to fit in with a group of people, rather than subconciously acting different. Since it's hard to deny that you subconciously act different around a parent than a friend (I assume most people will anyway) or another such situation.

Like I said, I only conciously act differently if it comes with additional benefits that outweigh the effort required to act different.

[Opace]

As correct as you are the context of this thread is about whether you're shallow enough to decide actively whether to change yourself to fit in with a group of people, rather than subconciously acting different. Since it's hard to deny that you act different around a parent than a friend (I assume most people will anyway).

Like I said, I only conciously act differently if it comes with additional benefits that outweigh the effort required to act different.

Benefits that are physical or non-physical (the word 'metal' here is a bit ... :?). Or both?

For me it's more towards non-physical but physical objects are always a nice addition. ;)

[Nephthys.]

If you need to change yourself to fit in, I think you need some better friends.

[shadow_miko]

I like to be myself at all times. You shouldn't have to change for others. But if the situation requires for you to make a few changes to your attitude and suchlike in order to bring out the best in you then don't hesitate to make those changes.

[KingD]

None I make my own group

[Robnie]

A group? Nothing, I don't do well in groups of people. I will however bite my tongue, and change the way I act around certain people, 99% of the time, I'm acting nicer, not being racist or sexist, etc, etc. May seem stupid to y'all, but I'd get arrested if I always said what I thought.

[KingD]

Same her dude. When I think I have to keep my mouth shut or else id say what I'm thinking.

[Stargaze]

I don't really care of fitting in with a group. I fit in with people who have nice personality and aren't jerks who just pressure you into doing stuff you don't wanna do... you join a group and then next thing you know you don't know anything about them. You have to seek wisely to go join one.. you don't wanna be in the wrong set.

[KingD]

True that has happened to me. But I left and made my own group full of strange and creepy people

[Heretic]

Picking and choosing which group to be in is a tough choice. If you are willing to change your entire lifestyle for a group, your not choosing wisely.

Honestly, I dont think a single person hates me where I hang out. This includes school, clubs, and extra-curriculars. If you just have a great personality and are people smart, you wont need to change anything.

[KingD]

Yeah but when you have no friends and alone by just being you. You change your actions to fit in.

[Yuki]

I refuse to change myself to fit in. I am myself whether people like it or not.

[kidanarchy]

Ohhhhh, see....I thought this thread was about sex.

[KingD]

You nasty perv

[sl33py]

Ohhhhh, see....I thought this thread was about sex.

Nowai, I thought it was totally about fat people.:(

---------

Eh, naturally I'd like to be on people's good side. So I'll try to fit in when them when I first meet people. But as time go by, if I don't really feel like spending the effort to fit in anymore, I'll simply start to act like myself. If they don't like it, that's too bad. If they are fine with it, then everybody r winnar? :P

[sylkana]

I don't really care about fitting in >.> if people don't like me for me then f*ck em

[Mizumi]

I think nobody should have friends and we should all live our lives as loners only speaking when we have to, no laughing allowed so comedies should stop being made, fit in why should we fit in lets all fit out instead.

[Kouketsu]

Don't be friends with people who have standards for friendship.

I agree with the general sentiment throughout this thread except for the one statement above. Standards are absolutely necessary as long as they're reasonable. I'm not a fan of getting drunk and becoming a total douchebag or something. So, surprise surprise, I'm not going to be friends with people who normally get drunk every night and become total douchebags.

Also, contrary to popular belief, change really isn't always bad (And I'm talking about actual long-term change, not just for an interview or something). I think Clint's answer best described what I mean. If anybody's got an issue with the way I am, they can approach me about it and I'll consider their opinion if it's pretty reasonable.

[undead]

Why join a group in the first place? I know all about psychology and the social creature business but there are a few (myself being one of them) that will not partake the social scene simply because they don't want to. I don't need the wanted feeling that you so many of you hold so high.
Despite this, though, I have through the years joined a group, held a job, gotten married, etc. Quite a contrast. The thing is, you may not need to feel accepted or loved but you do need to feel usefull, and the only way to do that is to put yourself out there and join groups or make friends.
Even then, though, you shouldn't change yourself to fit the mold of the group. The objective is to join a group that you don't have to change for, or to fix the situation so that you don't have to change within a group (your job, for example. I work in a bank, but even though some people complain left and right, I will never wear a suit or tie).
If you do decide to join a group, don't do it hesitantly. I'm not saying you should rush in and take the group over, but don't walk in with your head down in a shy matter either.

[Lord Darkton]

The friends I have accept me for who I am. I don't change a thing to fit to the standards of others...

[fe7]

thanks for the replies,

well anyway, i was asking this because i recently left a group since i disagreed with them on several common matters. i notice that people often throw each other a bone or two when they don't agree but will say otherwise. if questioned for my thoughts i would give them not rudely but straightforwardly and it gave rise to friction.

[Mizumi]

I agree with the general sentiment throughout this thread except for the one statement above.

But wouldn't my statement stop people from worrying about fitting in with others? It would also make for a much peaceful world!

[Aqualta Sekai]

Groups are for people who either need other people to tell them why they're all awesome everyday, or people who just feel they aren't good enough to last on their own.

Really you can either be in a group, or you can be you. Whichever works. Of course, I sacrifice nothing but the short time it usually takes to know if someone is worth talking to.

[Desuka Kira]

I feel fitting in is pointless. Act like yourself, and if people don't like it, so what. You're you, there's no point in changing it for someone else. If they don't liek you the way they are, they can just **** off. It doesn't give them the right to push you around or insult you, and tell them that. If that causes problems, take it to a superior.

[Yumi]

I fit in perfectly with people that don't fit in. Good enough for me.

[Chibi Moon]

People do that? Fitting in is so absurdly easy.

[ssj5 napa]

If you have real friends, you don't have to do anything to fit in.

Monitoring yourself sucks, and I don't see why some people are willing to do it all the time just so they can hang out with a bunch of phony people.

I'm not talking about acting a bit differently in certain situations, but I'm remembering people I went to school with who basically had spit personalities depending on who was around.

[yukito]

You should never have to change anything about you to fit in. If you're not liked for who you are, f**k them, they're not worth it.

[rakano]

lol people always say they wont change to fit in but from a psychology majors view that's just nonsense. humans are social creatures by nature, studies show that people that do not have a social group or close friends or loved ones are mentally unhealthy and it can even lead to death. ( yes you can die from lack of human contact) also there is the fact that free will is an illusion. we dont do any thing without information ether from our environment (like our parents our friends TV and so on) or our genetics (things like curiosity the drive to reproduce the drive to eat and drink and so on) out thoughts are all made up of information that we have at our disposal. no one wakes up and thinks, "I think ill invent the wheel today" no they most likely saw a rock or a log rolling down a hill or something. any ways this is turning into a rant so any ways yeah you all want friends and you all conform to something in order to be excepted into what ever group you are a part of, be it nerd, anime fan or gamer. even anarchist try and fit in with other anarchist.

at least someone is smart enough to realize that..thank you ...

and doing what you want is just laods of BS.. you still need to do what others do to fit in wiht your friends.. were are standards like it or not.. you must act in certain way to fitr in with certain friends...

and yeah we are social creatures and as such we must fit in with others..

[sylkana]

You should never have to change anything about you to fit in. If you're not liked for who you are, f**k them, they're not worth it.
I like the way you think ^^ You're so totally right :D

[fe7]

and what if you are forced to be in a group if you want to do something (like to play in league sports, you have to join a team)

you're just going to say **** you if you don't like them and vice versa?

[undead]

Then you don't play sports. If you choose the loners path then it's exactly how it sounds; completely alone.
If you do have friends you can count them on one hand. The phone doesn't ring, nobody sends you emails, and actually touching someone for any reason other than self defense does not happen.
In short, you completely remove yourself from the social scene. This allows you to do whatever you want when you want, and it also allows you be more sneaky if need be.
As I said earlier, most people fall into the social creatures category. Some, however, can live completely alone.

[JonIsDead]

You all fit in or are trying to fit in to something and whether you believe it or not, it impacts every decision you make.

[Desuka Kira]

Nope. I'd rather have no friends than fake friends.

[undead]

You all fit in or are trying to fit in to something and whether you believe it or not, it impacts every decision you make.

A double edged sword if there ever was one. Fitting into group A alienates you from group B, so choose wisely.
And don't forget, it's completely possible to become part of a group unintentinally. Alas, these are usually ether the best or worst groups you can join. Sometimes it really is better to be one's own.

[Vault 45]

The thing is, you may not need to feel accepted or loved but you do need to feel usefull, and the only way to do that is to put yourself out there and join groups or make friends.

I agree with this. The need to feel useful goes along with the desire some of us have to be part of some organization or endeavor larger than our individual selves--a sports team, a construction crew, an advertising campaign, a corporation, or whatever.

[kira's heart]

I would do nothing to fit in a group!
I have true friends and I don't care if an unknown person doesn't want me to be in his/her friends group...
Friends can't be chosen by standards!

[Mr. Pokemon]

Basically no one is in the "in croud" every got a group 'clique' that is equal to the others. And I like where I am. But all that stuff only exist in High School, by college it will be there with mostly frats and soros. But in post school life it is rarely there.

[Faerhen]

I don't like to fit in. I love being a unique person who has their own style and I am who I am. I'm not going to change myself to be in a crowd. If people don't like me for who I am then I don't care about them. I just live everyday like I usually do and move on. I AM MY own crowd, and I have plentyful friends because of it.

Because i'm not FAKE.

[AeonsLegend]

Only insecure people try to fit in. If you find yourself "trying to fit in" then stop. You either get along with certain people or you don't, there is no road in the middle for friendships.

[kresnik_soultaker]

if i don't fit in why bother :) it just means it's not meant for you...try to find some other group that will accept you for what and who you are

[EviiLmONKiiE]

recently i hit a kid and taxed his ipod to fit in the group i think.. or maybe that was just me being me

[JinKaze]

As much as people want to say that they are who they are and that they wouldn't ever change to fit in with anyone, sometimes it's necessary. I don't mean pretending to like sports or fashion or whatever so that the airheaded little kids at your high school will like you, but I do mean reigning in the bullshit and not voicing opinions or doing things that could cause trouble for yourself or for others.

I agree with the sentiment that everyone tries to fit in whether they know it or not, because if you didn't, you would likely not have any friends. It has been bred deep in you to try and fit in, because the most basic things you do in social situations are essentially fitting into whatever group you have been thrust into. And it goes further, too, into your conversational skill and what you say and do in these situations. People will deny it, but I would gamble that all of you who have said things like "I don't change myself to fit in" have just as many taboo or unsavory thoughts as the rest of us do. Saying these things would result in reprimands or alienation, and none of us want that. So we have to change just a tad for the sake of decency, that is inevitable.

I used to say that I didn't care what people thought too, but that just isn't true.

[Vessicator]

Well Jin, they just want adults to know that they can be independent and function perfectly under societal pressure to conform and comply. Because somehow 'different' means 'mature'. 'Different' means 'intelligent'.



I think it's rather cute.

[JinKaze]

;2303740']pftttaahh

Fitting in is as cool as hitting yourself with a fish...by my standards XD

When you fit in you have to do all the lame stuff everyone else does. Like smoke pot, snort coke, drink alcohol, or get laid. OMG BAD POST FUR YUR EYEZ.

Too bad it's true.

Like. My mom's trying to get my to fit in right now by making me go to swim practice to make friends/ get fit.

....Nooo Thank you.

I'm much happier being myself than someone who smokes pot with a group of losers who think they're cool =/
So you wouldn't be happy getting exercise and socializing? I mean I agree that people who would do drugs or whatever to fit in are losers, but really, why pass up such a good opportunity?

My point is what are you going to do when you grow up and have to interact with people day by day?

[Heretic]

Looking back at the choice I made last year to do football, I havnt regretted it to this day. It was one of the best decisions I ever made. It involves two of my greatest joys, working out to get a great, muscular body, and hanging out with my best buds from school.

Oh yeah, not to mention that you can POUND a guy straight into the dirt, its the greatest feeling in the world. You giving up swimming just makes me wish I could swim well.... hell, with just some inspiration, you could end up being great at swimming. It doesnt always have to involve drugs and sh*t like that. Look on the bright side of things...

[Vessicator]

;2303740']pftttaahh

Fitting in is as cool as hitting yourself with a fish...by my standards XD

When you fit in you have to do all the lame stuff everyone else does. Like smoke pot, snort coke, drink alcohol, or get laid. OMG BAD POST FUR YUR EYEZ.

Too bad it's true.

Like. My mom's trying to get my to fit in right now by making me go to swim practice to make friends/ get fit.

....Nooo Thank you.

I'm much happier being myself than someone who smokes pot with a group of losers who think they're cool =/

How did you jump to the conclusion that fitting in means you have to smoke pot with losers?

Maybe your mom is just trying to get you to take swimming lessons because:

it's summer and you should be outside rather than staying cooped up at home

you're fat

she fears you will be socially inept

Making friends doesn't mean fitting in. And I don't think your mom is telling you to be someone you're not. Maybe she's just sick of you. How the hell do people come up with these reasons?

[EviiLmONKiiE]

i spend most my summer inside i aint fat =]...im a pretty boy

[rakano]

How did you jump to the conclusion that fitting in means you have to smoke pot with losers?

Maybe your mom is just trying to get you to take swimming lessons because:

it's summer and you should be outside rather than staying cooped up at home

you're fat

she fears you will be socially inept

Making friends doesn't mean fitting in. And I don't think your mom is telling you to be someone you're not. Maybe she's just sick of you. How the hell do people come up with these reasons?

Making friends means fitting in. At least to some extent

[Einherjar]

Making friends means fitting in. At least to some extent

You got a point rakano, but to my knowledge, those who are your REAL friends don't care how YOU are. If you must do something to fit in, as little as 5% change, that means they aren't 100% true friends....well if those exist I don't know but you see what I mean.

[JinKaze]

You got a point rakano, but to my knowledge, those who are your REAL friends don't care how YOU are. If you must do something to fit in, as little as 5% change, that means they aren't 100% true friends....well if those exist I don't know but you see what I mean.
But you made those friends in the first place by fitting in, it is inevitable.

[Einherjar]

But you made those friends in the first place by fitting in, it is inevitable.

I did? Well might be so, but that was unconcious then.
I rest my case.

[Glazed]

I'm actually in a middle of a one big group:

Jocks and cheerleaders
/ \
me wrestlers
/ \ / \
skaters baseballers "ballers" soccer dudes
\ /
people who get in trouble often
IIIIII
Nerds


I am a combination of people, so it is pretty easy "fitting" in.

[Lif]

Making friends means fitting in. At least to some extent

Following trends and standards is why I have very little respect for the majority of society.

Realize that the people most successful in this world shut it out and practiced their profession over and over to an unhealthy point of isolation. You don't become good at what you do over night..

You know why I don't want to fit in? Because I like being unique and being able to think on my own.

[Miwia]

fit in? no, im a leader not a follower so if anything ppl are trying to fit in with meXDXD

i dont like to go with the crowd cause its not really my style

[Lunessa]

After years of trying to "fit in" and not being happy with who I am, I finally grew up and stopped trying. I have realized that I don't have to change myself to live up to someone else's standards. I am myself and my own person, if someone doesn't like it, then they don't have to be my friend. And sides, people prefer to befriend a person who isn't afraid to be themselves, not a conformist (sp?).

[44caliber45]

Oddly, i just fit in... I have no clue why tho. I guess its who your friends are reflects your popularity. Last year i met this dude at badminton tryouts. Now this year he is in my class and i find out hes a "Gangster" so I automaticly become one of them. Odd :S

[urgoingdown168]

im actually doing that now...im sacrificing my old clothes and im shopping at hollister and aeropostle thats pretty much it.....i dont believe in sacrificing ur personality to fit in

[Sageru]

A few years back, I tried fitting into to certain groups because I didn't have many friends. Wasn't a very social person, but I often found myself being influenced to do things I didn't exactly feel comfortable doing. After that, I just finally decided to put a stop to it.

I didn't really want to fit in anymore, just wanted to do what I wanted to do. So I did, now I'm my own person. Never really liked conformism, I just think it's a natural desire to socially survive by being with the "popular majority", and somewhat try to escape bad judgment of the "cool people". :/

[Clintonio]

A few years back, I tried fitting into to certain groups because I didn't have many friends. Wasn't a very social person, but I often found myself being influenced to do things I didn't exactly feel comfortable doing. After that, I just finally decided to put a stop to it.

I didn't really want to fit in anymore, just wanted to do what I wanted to do. So I did, now I'm my own person. Never really liked conformism, I just think it's a natural desire to socially survive by being with the "popular majority", and somewhat try to escape bad judgment of the "cool people". :/

That's a very teenage view of the world though. Since I've left high school and moved on to college there wasn't "popular" or "cool" in the years I was there.

Not sure what my last post in here said, but I don't conform to norms when it doesn't suit me. Sometimes it is safer to conform, but more of than not it's just a superfluous expectation from society that exists to make it easier for people to interact with you without negative preconceptions or giving you more grounds to speak on.