First weeks at the big U.
by
, 09-11-13 at 07:52 PM (563 Views)
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Sup guys, been a few months. I've moved into college since, so here is some self-pity ramble. I'm in that kind of mood.
I've never really been happy with my life, not since I can remember. Lack of friends is generally a big part of it. Lack of self esteem is another. The latter probably due to the former. Though I was pretty sure I wasn't too far away from your average 21 year old, college has quickly taught me otherwise.
If there is one thing the dining hall is great for, it's sitting alone while contemplating how much you hate your life and witnessing others enjoy theirs.
I registered a little late, ended up being forced into a suite with 2 double bedrooms. I'm normally the type that enjoys privacy, so being forced to sleep with another person no more than about 5 feet away could've been an issue. Whatever, I figured if anything it'd teach me to be tolerant and at least I'd meet someone. Maybe make some progress with social anxiety issues.
Turns out he withdrew, I should be happy I've got this room to myself. Not really.
But I'm not sure what's worse, sitting in my dorm room, or being on campus. Both are pretty depressing.
Video games and anime used to help with this, but now...I can't help but to visualize myself in the 3rd in person. How pathetic I must look.
I'm coming off of a drug I've taken for the past couple of months or so. I mostly took it for social anxiety, it hardly helped with that. It made me feel tired all the time, and even less focused. Apparently it's also used as an anti-depressant. Considering I haven't taken it in a few days and this is the first time I've felt this awful in the last few months, maybe I should get back on it.
I had more to say but I'm already starting to feel better, so perhaps all I needed was this little bit of catharsis.
Thanks for reading.