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Shannon Apple

Cheesy, creepy pick up lines. Two words. EFF OFF. =)

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How's this for cheesy creeperness in the pub the other day. I'll have to paraphrase here, but the conversation went on longer. The guy was way too old for me anyway, and looked pretty weird, so I told him I was taken. Ugh!


"Hey babe how's it going? Fancy a drink?"
"No I'm fine, but thank you."
"Yes you are fine."
*leans against the wall and being all creepy*
"What are you doing out here all on your own looking miserable?"
"Oh I'm quite happy thanks, my friend's just popped to the loo."
"May I sit here." and winks.
"My friend will be back any minute."
(of course he knew that, he had to see her leave.)
"Oh I see, you're on table minding duty. All the better for me.... Soooo, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"
"Excuse me?"
"Did it hurt, I mean you're looking like an angel."
"Nah, but I lost a few nails when I was climbing out of hell..."
"Oh? Is that so? You're a naughty one."
(I was like, oh ****, that didn't work this time.)
"I was just kidding... my boyfriend was right there to catch me."
"Hmmm, I have a pile of dvds at home"
"huh?"
"Oh sorry, I thought we were talking about **** that didn't matter."
"I wasn't, you were. I thought we were discussing significant things. Oh there's my friend, now if you'll excuse me. Thanks for the chat."
"Does your friend have a boyfriend."
"Actually, she's married. Cya."
(He goes to harass my friend and she flashed her wedding ring at him and told him to annoy someone else more his own age and single. She's not as nice as me. lol)

GAH!

Lads, don't search the internet for stupid pick up lines. Seriously, it makes you look ****ing retarded. The fallen angel one I have heard at least a dozen times now. You might end up like that dude, rejected a million times and still looking for women half his age.

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  1. Pured's Avatar
    By paraphrase... you mean he never actually said all that?
    Even I wouldnt say those things...
    Learning from this blog, my pickup line is this: Hey gurrrl most girls look like angels that fell from heaven, you must of crawled your way out of hell coz you're ****ing nasty!

    What's my predicted success rate?
  2. Shannon Apple's Avatar
    Paraphrase means, the gist of the conversation. I left out a lot of in between details of him being a creeper. And yes, he did. These kinda creeps go around ALL THE TIME. I don't think there has ever been a time where one of us was alone at a table and some creeper hasn't approached. If there has, it's rare. They stalk for women sitting on their own. It's their thing..

    My mom calls them the lame ducks, the shelfies, and a load of other names.

    The worst one was crazy Irish soldier boy, who almost attacked my male American friend because he wanted to "reirelandise" him because he didn't like having to take a hike when he was annoying me about being patriotic.

    Then there was the old ****er who used to follow us around town and had it copped that this guy I was friends with was indeed not my boyfriend and told me as much. Grand proof that we were both right about him following us. If you're female, you'll attract creeps. ESPECIALLY if they catch you alone for 10 minutes.

    You're male, and young. You wouldn't get it.

    The nice ones actually come up and introduce themselves while your friend is there (assuming the friend is female) because they don't need to pounce on their victim. They know how to approach a woman in a comfortable setting... and even if she is on her own at that moment, they are tactful in their approach.
  3. Pured's Avatar
    Not all people going for people that are alone are creeps >.>
    It depends on if they are a creep or not.

    I assure you I am no creep :3
  4. Stranger's Avatar
    You're not alone. I have friends who tell me that similar things happen to them. I have a friend who is being constantly hit on by old guys (she's 23), worst of all, she's not even into men.

    Next time try asking the guy if he wants to help you sacrifice a chicken to the lord of the darkness. Make sure you do it with a serious face.
  5. Stranger's Avatar
    Another thing, pick up lines don't work. %95 of the time they are doomed to fail. The best a approach is a direct one, no games, no bull****. Worst thing that could happen to you is getting rejected.
  6. Red_Dragon's Avatar
    Wow, what happened to back in the days when you had a regular conversation with someone and then it led to something else?

    I've never had a problem talking to women without using those cheesy lines!
  7. Pured's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Red_Dragon
    Wow, what happened to back in the days when you had a regular conversation with someone and then it led to something else?

    I've never had a problem talking to women without using those cheesy lines!
    Everyone is different, some are like you, and others need to google/youtube pickup lines and guides.

    Lol... imagine that...
    Youtube Series: Guide to women - Part 1 [Pickup Lines]
  8. The_Archangel's Avatar
    Pick up lines never really worked. Just a dumb tactic that desperate people made to appear even remotely interesting and/or charming. The intention was obviously to get laid.

    People who truly believes those things "work" are delusional.
  9. Shannon Apple's Avatar
    I guess Pured is one of those guys that waits til the woman is on their own to pounce with a pickup line Funny thing is, we all have comebacks for those pick up lines that we learn from friends. XD

    Didn't say every guy, Pured. I also said some of them approach a girl with tact even if she's on her own. I've had instances where a nice person came over to talk to me. That seems to happen when I actually do have a boyfriend.

    Another hilarious incident happened recently. (a couple of months ago) This guy who I know for years started creeping on me. THAT WAS UNEXPECTED! I was sitting having a drink with a group of friends and he's a friend of a friend and hadn't seen him in a while. He starts going on about his daughters who are like 18 and 20. Then he says to me "mentioning my daughters has probably put you off me now." Um... sorry, but no. Didn't put me off because 1. I wasn't thinking anything about him in the first place, and 2. I don't date people that are old enough to be my Dad. lol. He didn't really take no for an answer though, and asked me what my ideal age limit is for dating someone and I said "5-6 years older, maybe 2-3 years younger, give or take" and he was like "breaking my heart here," and trying to change my mind the whole time. They should just give it up and look for someone at least within 10 years of their own age. Dirty old men. lol.
  10. Pured's Avatar
    Nah, I'm one of those guys that cbf, so just stays at home and relaxes.

    And come on Shannon, give them a go, dirty old men bring in the money.
  11. Stranger's Avatar
    Pured is right, you should marry an old rich guy and wait for him to die
  12. Akio-dono's Avatar
    You have to give him credit for sticking with it. You need some serious guts to say a cheesy line.
    Do not go with pured, that is gross and very mean.
    What is you game then shannon, comedy? o3o
  13. Shadow Fox's Avatar
    he seriously used all of those lines?

    People STILL use those?

    omg I am so sorry shannon. Too bad your guy or at least a dude friend of yours wasn't there with you. That uncomfortable conversation would had been much much shorter XD.
  14. Snype's Avatar
    Wow! that guys, must bemiserable, and lonely, i am notsaying guys shouldn't hit on you, but guys that are nearly are double your age, that's just wrong, maybe you should have pretended to be crazy,and started talking into your drink ofthechair next to you, that would have made him think differently.
    Updated 10-08-13 at 03:33 AM by Snype
  15. NuttsnBolts's Avatar
    Miss Apples...
    You are the beauty in my life.
    You are the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden.
    You fell from the sacred tree into my hands.
    O'Shannon... The 'Miss Apples'.
    I would eat the forbidden fruit because it feels so bad.
    Not because a beautiful woman told me to.
    You see it was not Eve that gave me the Apple...
    It was you.
    I want to eat you.
    Taste you.
    The serpent told me I had to.
    The serpent that hides.
    Your sweet, sweet juices.
    I wish to taste them so badly.
    Because I wish to sin...

    ...With you.
    <3
  16. Snype's Avatar
    lol, i am sitting in a class room and i just read that, and that i laughed soo hard, i think i died
  17. Rima Okumura's Avatar
    -.- he rely said all of that thinking it would work...........what a dumb ass. -~-
  18. Stranger's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by NuttsnBolts
    Miss Apples...
    You are the beauty in my life.
    You are the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden.
    You fell from the sacred tree into my hands.
    O'Shannon... The 'Miss Apples'.
    I would eat the forbidden fruit because it feels so bad.
    Not because a beautiful woman told me to.
    You see it was not Eve that gave me the Apple...
    This is too cheese to be talking about apples
    Quote Originally Posted by NuttsnBolts
    It was you.
    I want to eat you.
    Taste you.
    The serpent told me I had to.
    The serpent that hides.
    Your sweet, sweet juices.
    I wish to taste them so badly.
    Because I wish to sin...

    ...With you.
    <3
    that's just creepy...
  19. Shannon Apple's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by 曾気青昭雄 Akio
    You have to give him credit for sticking with it. You need some serious guts to say a cheesy line.
    Do not go with pured, that is gross and very mean.
    What is you game then shannon, comedy? o3o
    Haha! Kinda. It really did happen, but I decided to post it here for ****s and giggles more than anything and omitted any small talk in between. A 50-something (could be in his 40s but looked old) annoying girls in the pub is nothing new by any stretch.

    As for Pured's "suggestion" that is indeed disgusting. You know a former boss tried that with me? Telling me he was a millionaire and **** before making his move. Think I may have posted that at the time it happened. *shudder* I don't work there anymore, but I did tell the manager what he did and he was like "WOW! Never would have taken him for a leech." I was 27, the guy was 45 and his 24 year old son was a friend of mine, so was his ex, but she was a lot older than me. >.>

    OH, Haha! I just remembered another one. My parents, my sister and I decided to go to the hotel for drinks on New Years. There was no one else at home, so we went out to where there was party. I was sitting next to my Dad who had his back to some idiot old drunk. Now this is a 4 star hotel, so you kinda don't expect too many creeper types around. I was chatting to Dad, and this muppet sitting behind him started saying "tell that whore to stop looking at me." I couldn't even ****ing see the dude, my dad was sitting in the way. "I SAID, TELL THAT WHOOOOOOORE TO STOP LOOKING AT ME!" My Dad turns around and said "She's not looking at you, so please don't call my daughter a whore." He said "SHE IS LOOKING. WHAT YOU LOOKING AT *****?" So the 4 of us had to leave our table and move to the bar. lol. He was like "GO ON, LEAVE AND BRING YER THREE WHORES WITH YA!" hahahah!
    Updated 10-08-13 at 07:10 AM by Shannon Apple
  20. Shannon Apple's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Stranger
    This is too cheese to be talking about apples

    that's just creepy...
    Hahahah! Nutter is an old friend of mine, so I know he's messing.
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