Prowlster

Which isn't too different from any other age, because, well, i was never very well liked.

Sup guys, last time I felt shitty and posted some thoughts on here it helped me out a good deal. So here goes again.

I don't think I've enjoyed by birthday since I was 12, it just never brought much. Just a general check point where I can sit here and think about how the last time I felt like this was exactly one year ago. I can think about how my life hasn't improved, and how little has changed. How I stack up against the rest of the human race, mentally and socially.

Things are worse this time around. My Father died a few months ago. Silent heart attack. He exercised for several hours a day, ate well, basically dedicated his life to making sure he'd never be denied watching his children grow up. I was closer to him than most kids are to their dads.

But I feel I'm doing surprisingly well with all of this. At least I felt that away until i started getting bombarded with phone calls today. It can't just be a typical happy birthday call. It has to be "hey, wow, I can't imagine how hard this day must be for you. I feel so sorry, he meant so much to the family"

It actually, really, really isn't that bad. He only briefly crossed my mind once or twice before all these clowns started reminding me.

I decided not get an apartment or dorm for school this year because living with my family seemed important given the recent events. Genius move there, isolating myself further from a community of potential friends and giving myself an extra two hours a day of driving. Choosing to live with my alcoholic mother that lacks even a shred of logic or respect, leaving me to wonder day after day how and why my father dealt with her.

but that's another blog post for another day. Looks like I have a lot more to write about than I thought I did. I think I'm going to start watching anime and frequenting the site again.

Peace.